Dear R. Kelly,

I wasn’t in a very good mood…I mean I’m regularly not in a good mood (check out this site and videos, that guy’s not in a good mood) but this…this video…this shit right here…right here? HILARIOUS. I laughed right before my righteous indignation kicked in. For those not initiated, please, for the love of God, take a listen to this…

“Girl You make me wanna get you Pregnant” lay your body down

“Now usually i leave the club with a girl who has  a man,
and take her to hotel just for a one night stand.
See Im a p playa so i tryin’ to take her on no date,
but much like my Patron, Man I’m just trying to take it  straight.”

I… I… Where do I start…? This is like Roman Polanski making a movie about sexin’(verb) barely legal girls. It’s not ILLEGAL for him to sex barely legal girls, but it would be in terrible taste considering his…ahem..situation. Kellz just doesn’t care. This is an amazing example of shiny and bedazzled ignorance. Thats right, he took his regular day old ignorance and had bling added to it. Kellz thought “This just ain’t ignant enough, I want this shit to sparkle in the sunlight.”

Now you may say “Elon, this is a LOVE song. He wants to be with this girl!” Yes, he realized that right after he met this girl with unbelievable booty…oh and she was also a CUTIE. (See? It Rhymed. Kells is back to RHYMING. After his attempts in the “Closet” and “Real Talk” I thought he gave up on that.) Why is Tyreese in this song? Hasn’t he raped my good taste enough by being in BOTH Transformers movies? No he’s trying to coerce women with promises of fame? And THE DREAM? THE DREAM? The Dream is were Carbs go to die. He’s a lightskinneded bag of diabetes. He’s one step above Sean Kingston and he’s talking about getting chicks PREGNANT? And for the love of all things holy will SOMEONE revoke Robin Thicke’s Black Card?  He’s gone too far. TOO FAR MAN!

I’m done…possibly with this plane of existence.

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