Yesterday the Grammy nominations dropped and we saw everyone from Taylor Swift to Jay Z pick up a nod from the all powerful music awards show. But did anyone see this coming?

BEST RAP/SUNG COLLABORATION: LONELY ISLAND FT. T-PAIN “I’M ON A BOAT”

No, that ISN’T a typo. Are you not familiar with “I’m On a Boat”? Let me enlighten you.

The Spoof song about Rap excess featuring Rap’s excess king “T-Pain” (Dude wears a top hat and a chain that says “Big Ass Chain”) is now up against actual songs like Beyoncé & Kanye West “Ego”, Keri Hilson, Kanye West, & Ne-Yo “Knock You Down”, Jay-Z, Rihanna, & Kanye West “Run This Town”, T.I. & Justin Timberlake “Dead And Gone”…

So the question is, what does this say about the State of Hip Hop?

I hit up #TWITTER about this and received comments like “Thats my ‘ish!” (@Reetamac) and “Reasonable. And I hope they win.” (@spannerjaxs) but there was also outrage.

The question is, did the Grammy’s lose credibility, or did Rap lose it way before this? Another question “I” Was wondering was would the song have been nominated with out the participation of the Clown Prince #T-Pain? Did he give the song just enough credibility that it was a completely reasonable choice? Did he say anything on “I’m on a Boat” that was any more ridiculous than he has said on numerous other “Real” Rap songs?

“Poseidon, LOOK AT ME!”

“This is the Realist Shit I’ ever Wrote? Chillin’ in my Maybach”

“I’mma put my BMI all over your ASCAP, SHORTAY.”

At what point is the line drawn. If you can say “I’mma a flirt whether I’m in or out of town, thats why the call me Teddy Pinned-Her-Ass-Down” (Rapey Much?) and thats REAL then can we question “I’m on a Boat” seriously?

As one #Tweeter put it…

That’s the realest shit he ever wrote…

*Sidenote: I fully admit that whenever I am on some sort of floating object I will yell out “Posedon, Look at me” or “I ****D A MERMAID.” And will continue to do so…

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Dear R. Kelly,

I wasn’t in a very good mood…I mean I’m regularly not in a good mood (check out this site and videos, that guy’s not in a good mood) but this…this video…this shit right here…right here? HILARIOUS. I laughed right before my righteous indignation kicked in. For those not initiated, please, for the love of God, take a listen to this…

“Girl You make me wanna get you Pregnant” lay your body down

“Now usually i leave the club with a girl who has  a man,
and take her to hotel just for a one night stand.
See Im a p playa so i tryin’ to take her on no date,
but much like my Patron, Man I’m just trying to take it  straight.”

I… I… Where do I start…? This is like Roman Polanski making a movie about sexin’(verb) barely legal girls. It’s not ILLEGAL for him to sex barely legal girls, but it would be in terrible taste considering his…ahem..situation. Kellz just doesn’t care. This is an amazing example of shiny and bedazzled ignorance. Thats right, he took his regular day old ignorance and had bling added to it. Kellz thought “This just ain’t ignant enough, I want this shit to sparkle in the sunlight.”

Now you may say “Elon, this is a LOVE song. He wants to be with this girl!” Yes, he realized that right after he met this girl with unbelievable booty…oh and she was also a CUTIE. (See? It Rhymed. Kells is back to RHYMING. After his attempts in the “Closet” and “Real Talk” I thought he gave up on that.) Why is Tyreese in this song? Hasn’t he raped my good taste enough by being in BOTH Transformers movies? No he’s trying to coerce women with promises of fame? And THE DREAM? THE DREAM? The Dream is were Carbs go to die. He’s a lightskinneded bag of diabetes. He’s one step above Sean Kingston and he’s talking about getting chicks PREGNANT? And for the love of all things holy will SOMEONE revoke Robin Thicke’s Black Card?  He’s gone too far. TOO FAR MAN!

I’m done…possibly with this plane of existence.

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Listen, at some stage I’ll need to be rich. Being sarcastic will probably only take me so far. At the point when I decide to sellout and embrace all the negative stereotypes about black people, this will be my theme song.

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So after throwing out Soulja Boy in full “Turn MLK in his Grave” mode we were tweeted a reminder that we hadn’t acknowledged this fresh bowl of fuckery. We apologize. People are getting their “Ignant Shit” on all over the place. We shouldn’t single out one if not ALL. (Trying to do ALL would require a bigger staff than we have here. This aint The Root )

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Um…Er…I’m supposed to say something here. This is where I say Funny McFunnythings & we all laugh because its funny. Haha. Yeah…I don’t think I can. My soul is too busy crying.

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So if you happen to be near Jadakiss,  pass by him in the street, or just might be within ear shot, could you just yell this to him?

“Hey! You’re not that good!” 

Thank you. That is all. 

I don’t know about you folks but I’m tired of hearing Jada rap about how great he is and how he’s not getting the attention he deserves. Blah, blah, blah. Top 5, yeah, sure, Okay. Seriously. Rap and shut the hell up. Theres atleast 6 or 7 cuts on his new album about him being great but no one caring and he’s okay with that. Yes. SOOOO okay that he feels a need to keep rapping about it. For christ’s sake, he wrote a letter to B.I.G. complaining about it. I don’t think he gives a rats ass about it sir. Why don’t you stop doing that weird laugh you do on records and just focus on putting out music.  Perhaps, just perhaps you should let everyone else say you’re that awesome and stop saying it yourself.

Ugh.

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Seriously. I walked in my house back in 1992 and broke out into my best Jamaican accent and let out the longest and most gutteral “GAL FLEEEEEEEEEX-ah TIME to ‘ave SEX -ah!” to which my mother responded “Excuse me, what did you just say?”

It was easily one of the most awkward conversations I had with my mother in my childhood because I then I had to try to explain what Gal Flex, time to ‘ave SEEEEX-ah, meant. My 12 year old brain had an idea but not quite the verbiage to really handle the assignment.

This song is what taught me that Jamaicans have lots of lovely metaphors for sex, a lot of which sounds violent. Action with the injection, just like a surgeon. Slice it like fresh ox, WHAT? This seems to pre-date the stab it up mentality that came later. Ah, Jamaicans.

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Where do I start? This song has a plethora of ridiculousness starting with T-Pain’s decree of “This is the realest shit I ever wrote!” Right. This is it. Right here. About chillin’ in your Maybach. This is obviously the realest shit you’ve ever written. Perhaps you’ve never written about life or death or perhaps you’ve never written a grocery list. Yes, I’d argue that your Trader Joe’s Grocery List is realer than this bullshit. Maybe I don’t get it. Maybe I’m not from the hood and I don’t get the mentality…

Oh wait. I’m from Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. But I’m assuming I must be from the really bougie part though.

Let’s pick the line that jumped out at me, actually making me laugh audibly.

“I was barely getting pretty women, now I’m scooping anywomen likes kitty litter.”

I have to stop and first state that I think that this is a gross understatement. I don’t think Mr. Ross was “Barely getting pretty women.” I believe he was getting all ugly women. Have we seen Rick Ross? The Ross we see now a days is the dude WITH money. Let alone poor Rick Ross who must’ve just been in a perpetual state of greasy darkness. But now, heh, NOW he’s scooping any women like kitty litter.

Do I understand the metaphor? Yes. Do I think this was the best way to express his new found effectiveness with the ladies? I think not. And while I’m speaking on Mr. Ross – Seriously? How long are you gonna ride this whole “Boss” thing? I think we get it. You’re a boss. You take planes, while drinking plain whiskey and gliding on the astral plane. Yes, I get it. You also are a fan of one word meaning many things. But dude, if I have to hear one more time about you being a boss I’m asking you to sign my time sheet.

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Noted political pundit Jermaine Dupri weighed in on the matter of unwarranted lane-crowding afflicting President-Elect Barack Obama. Dupri mused:

“Obama’s gonna listen to other people’s opinions, and he should. But I hope the last voice he hears before he makes a decision is his own. Now, with the economy so messed up and Israel bombing the shit out of the Gaza Strip, and more than ten million people unemployed, the heat is really gonna be on.”

Thanks for that, Jermaine.

Source: The Huffington Post

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