Someone. Please. Make. It. STOP. |
I’m not sure what the deal is with ABC’s deep commitment to holding town hall, black student union style meetings centered on the current state of affairs of black women, relationships and marriage. Frankly, I was also caught off guard when erstwhile King of Comedy Steve Harvey was crowned ‘expert’. But what I do know is that I really need this madness to stop. Posthaste.
A far more clever blogger than me (What up, Racialicious?) had pointed out that in the world of relationship advice books, one should read the wise counsel from one you would likely date. Par exemple, if you want to date a guy like Steve Harvey, then read his book. If you want to date Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, then read The Rules. If you want to date Greg Behrandt, then read He’s Just Not That Into You. If you want to date Hill Harper, then read Hill Harper.
Melissa Harris-Lacewell captures the essential flaws of the discussion. And highlights a problematic construct of the panel:
Without structural analysis or evidence-based reasoning the panel relied on personal experience. Steve Harvey, Hill Harper and Jimi Izrael have all written books on the black marriage/partnership crisis. To varying levels, all of these texts frame the issue as a black female problem rather than a community issue, offering advice that encourages women to mold themselves into a more sanitized definition of femininity that doesn’t compete with socially sanctioned definitions of masculinity.
Each of these male participants was allowed to pontificate about the ways that black women should behave without being challenged as to their own relationship history and status. None of these men can boast a lifetime marriage to one black woman. Such personal information is relevant only because personal narrative was the sole basis of the conversation. Thus, the women participating in the panel were subjected to public scrutiny of their supposed shortcomings, while the men’s biographies were shrouded in an assumption that their maleness alone made them worthy.
The emphasis is mine.
I can only imagine that impetus for this follow up by Nightline was partially in response to the play Jill Scott garnered for CNN recently in response to her article in Essence Magazine.
Ugh.
Love, that many splendor (or splintered, depends on your point of view) thing is in need of love today. This isn’t to say that there are some statistical patterns that are worthy of exploration in terms of marriage as an institution, social mobility of black women, class, relative to region, etc. However, this is to say that the framing of this rather age old (and occasionaly insular) debate could use some balance. More than clichéd advice, finger pointing, list making, blaming, personal anecdotes, platitudes and bromides.
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