This Week in Letters that we’re stealing from other websites: In-Laws of Interracial couple acting crazy!

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So I stole this from another website. The actual letter is in black. My responses are blue (I’m fairly sure you would be able to guess that.)

Dear <website we stole this letter from>:  

My husband and I are an interracial couple. (Yay for you!) When we’re alone or with our friends, everything is fine. The problems come when we get together with family. (Ugh, Family is the WORST) Neither one of our families were opposed to our marriage, (or so they would have you believe) but my husband’s family is obviously uncomfortable with it, and goes overboard to try and show me that they have no problem with the fact that I’m black. (Oh, you’re black. Thats never good) They talk about how bad slavery was,(It really was.) about the NAACP, (How annoying they can be?)  etc. (Fucking etcs!) What irritates me the most is their overuse (well, just USE) of the phrase African American. (WTF! I say poisen them. They can’t say it if they’re DEAD!) It drives me crazy! I know they’re trying to be politically correct. But in their quest to make me feel comfortable, they make me feel UNcomfortable!(I say bust a cap in their asses) I am NOT an African American, (Oh, then you shouldn’t bust caps in their asses, cause thats what African Americans do.) I’m BLACK. I’m not from Africa.(Thank GOD. It’s violent over there.) My parent’s are not from Africa, (Score 2 points for you) and neither sets of my grandparents or great-grandparents were from Africa.(You’ve just scored the TRIFECTA) We were all born and raised in Baltimore.(Wait, I’ve seen The Wire. It would have been better to be from Africa) Sure, my ancestors were brought over to America as slaves, but that was two hundred years ago! (I’m thinking perhaps a little longer, if my Black Israelite on the Street ranting knowledge is correct) There is no one left living on this Earth that had anything to do with slavery.(Or so you beleive) I don’t need an apology from people alive today because black people were used as slaves so long ago.(I dunno, I enjoy a good random apology. I then ask for 20 bucks and go about my day) My Jewish friends don’t go around asking for forgiveness(they more like, demand it) from the Egyptians because Jews were slaves thousands of years ago, and I don’t need one for slavery now. That is just plain ridiculous!(Ridiculous? Or an excellent way to kill a few hours?) I live in America, and that makes me an American. Nothing more, nothing less. How in the world am I supposed to express my feelings to my husband’s family without causing trouble or hurting their feelings? (That is a tough one cause White people be crazy!) I wonder if Seal and Heidi Klum had this problem. (I’ve met Seal and Heidi Klum, and you maam, are no Seal and Heidi Klum*)  

–Tamika Silverman (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s the most awesome name ever.)

This is probably why no one sends me letters.

*I have never met Seal and/or Heidi Klum.

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All About Elon James White

Elon James White is a writer/comedian/purveyor of awesome and host of the award winning "This Week in Blackness." White has been featured on "Countdown With Keith Olbermann" and "Vh1's Black To the Future." Oh, and he also brunches harder than you. Seriously. Harder.

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