MIXED LOVIN’ with Baron Vaughn

In today’s supposedly post-racial society, there are quite a few twists and turns one must make while navigating the racial highway. Comedian Baron Vaughn (Comedy Central’s Live at Gotham, Cloverfield) has had many, many interracial relationships in his day and has decided to share his knowledge to help all people.

Baron,

What can a white guy do to fight the stereotype that white guys are less genetically endowed with natural sense of rhythm than our black brothers? Is there a viable alternative to some sort of hokey, “candid camera,” exposé endeavor?

I’mJustSayin’

Well, JustSayin, I think your idea would do more damage than help. By hiding cameras to show the “endowment” of white men, that would encourage black men to do the same thing. We can’t sit idly by and let our Caucasian brothers show their ding-a-lings with no means of comparison. Then there will be rock-hard proof (pun intended) that black men are better endowed.

However, on a second reading of your question, it seems to be talking about dancing. White guys can dance…IF they’ve learned it from black people. Every white guy I know that can dance well learned it from a master teacher with my color skin. Those are the limits to which you must go to gain a sense of rhythm. I have to say this question is a little confusing perhaps because your brain is so focused on dancing and penises.

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Hey Baron,

I’m dating a cute jew boy who is nine years younger than me. (He’s 23, I’m 32.) I’m a hot italian cougar. We get along really well (been dating 6 months) and he isn’t a super jew — doesn’t celebrate Shabbat or insist on doing it through a sheet hole or anything. He wants us to move in together and is dropping the “M” word. I’m into it, but I’ve got a trifecta of questions: Is it all too soon? Are there any customs I should know? Do jewish men really marry white girls?

Guinea some advice. What would you jew?

Yours truly,

WOP Mama

Well that’s a WOPper of a doozy! See how I did that? I used WOP again in a clever way. That’s good material. No, I’m not getting paid. First things first: if he has a big ,curly Greatest American Hero Elliot Gould like jew-fro, do NOT marry him. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, we can get into the nitty gritty. Your questions are about the situation, but you don’t really say what you want. You say you’re “into it.” How into it are you? You ready to have matzo lasagna, or matzo chicken saltimbocca, or matzo parmigiana? (I only know one Jewish food.) And yes, Jewish people do marry white girls. I’m assuming this guy is a white looking white guy. Jews are white. American Jews that is. Israelis: different story. If you’re ready for marriage, and moving in, and his overbearing mother, I say see where this goes. Also, film it. That will be funny.

Do you have questions for Baron? Email him at ASKBARON@ThisweekinBLACKNESS.COM 

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