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The Brooklyn Comedy Company is proud to present the 8th installment in the web series, “This Week in Blackness.” Comedian Elon James White takes a little break from the land of politics to talk about something very important to him. Bad rap music.
Uncensored: Coming Soon!
The Brooklyn Comedy Company is proud to present the 7th installment of the web series “This Week in Blackness.” With the recent debate on every one’s mind, Comedian Elon James White feels it necessary to talk about the highly rated event.
UNCENSORED VERSION:
In today’s supposedly post-racial society, there are quite a few twists and turns one must make while navigating the racial highway. Comedian Baron Vaughn (Comedy Central’s Live at Gotham, Cloverfield) has had many, many interracial relationships in his day and has decided to share his knowledge to help all people.
Baron,
What can a white guy do to fight the stereotype that white guys are less genetically endowed with natural sense of rhythm than our black brothers? Is there a viable alternative to some sort of hokey, “candid camera,” exposé endeavor?
I’mJustSayin’
Well, JustSayin, I think your idea would do more damage than help. By hiding cameras to show the “endowment” of white men, that would encourage black men to do the same thing. We can’t sit idly by and let our Caucasian brothers show their ding-a-lings with no means of comparison. Then there will be rock-hard proof (pun intended) that black men are better endowed.
However, on a second reading of your question, it seems to be talking about dancing. White guys can dance…IF they’ve learned it from black people. Every white guy I know that can dance well learned it from a master teacher with my color skin. Those are the limits to which you must go to gain a sense of rhythm. I have to say this question is a little confusing perhaps because your brain is so focused on dancing and penises.
——–
Hey Baron,
I’m dating a cute jew boy who is nine years younger than me. (He’s 23, I’m 32.) I’m a hot italian cougar. We get along really well (been dating 6 months) and he isn’t a super jew — doesn’t celebrate Shabbat or insist on doing it through a sheet hole or anything. He wants us to move in together and is dropping the “M” word. I’m into it, but I’ve got a trifecta of questions: Is it all too soon? Are there any customs I should know? Do jewish men really marry white girls?
Guinea some advice. What would you jew?
Yours truly,
WOP Mama
Well that’s a WOPper of a doozy! See how I did that? I used WOP again in a clever way. That’s good material. No, I’m not getting paid. First things first: if he has a big ,curly Greatest American Hero Elliot Gould like jew-fro, do NOT marry him. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, we can get into the nitty gritty. Your questions are about the situation, but you don’t really say what you want. You say you’re “into it.” How into it are you? You ready to have matzo lasagna, or matzo chicken saltimbocca, or matzo parmigiana? (I only know one Jewish food.) And yes, Jewish people do marry white girls. I’m assuming this guy is a white looking white guy. Jews are white. American Jews that is. Israelis: different story. If you’re ready for marriage, and moving in, and his overbearing mother, I say see where this goes. Also, film it. That will be funny.
So the Katie Couric interview with Sarah Palin is making the rounds and, of course, everyone talks about how she seems stupid, and is obviously not ready to be near the presidency in any shape, form, or fashion.
Um . . . after I wrote that last sentence I just realized there wasn’t really anything else fo me to say on the subject. She seems stupid and well . . . you get my point. But I’ll try to push forward anyway.
Even if there wasn’t an audible collective cry from every woman in the United States when the McCain camp pander-picked Alaska McMoosekiller over there, there still was a collective eyebrow raise. A lot of people, it seems, tried to give this pick an opportunity to show itself a wise one. The historic first Republican vice-presidential female candidate is something that a lot of people didn’t want to turn their nose up at. Ah, but alas. Now people have no choice but to turn their nose up to it because of the pure horseshit that it’s turning out to be. It’s stinking up the entire presidential race! John McCain is pulling out emergency tactics to delay the VP debates, all the while he’s at risk of seeming like he’s being an unstable coward. The McCain camp obviously thought about the possibility of that and weighed it against the field day that would be had over Palin’s folksy debating style and still decided to go all in.
When Palin talks, she has the uncertainty and wide-eyed inflections that George Bush has exhibited these past eight years. Forget her ability to act as vice president, I’m starting to second-guess whether she is really capable of acting as governer of Alaska. She believes she’s keeping an eye on Russia! It’s as if someone told her that her job there is way more important that it is and she bought it hook, line, and sinker. She thinks she’s America’s first line of defense. “If they get by Alaska, we’re all dead!” I imagine her sitting in her office with binoculars looking toward Russia. Then immediately sitting down at her desk writing in her My Little Pony “Keep America Safe” notebook.
“All good today. Couldn’t see any nuclear weapons pointed our way. Yay!”
There was a statistic that came out of the AP/Yahoo Poll on race and the Election. It stated that one third of democrats were racist and had negative feelings towards black people. Of that one third, 58 percent still stated that they would vote for Barack Obama. Do you understand what the republicans are doing here? They are scaring white people SOOOOO much that they are looking past their everyday racism and voting for a black man, simply because the alternative is too scary. Any negative feelings they have are being outweighed by the sense that the white alternative would be absolutely bonkers. I imagine that this is happening on the republican side as well. That 90 percent voting with GWB will scare anybody who’s actually paying attention.
Kudos, Sen. McCain. You seem to be bringing that change that you all of a sudden keep talking about. Thanks for bringing racists over to the Obama side.
As you might have heard, Senator John McCain has supposedly suspended his Presidential campaign in order to head back to Washington to handle the budget crisis that has befallen the country. The same crisis that had befallen the country LAST week. But now that he’s down in the polls and has a debate coming up where he could get his ass handed to him, it seems like a really good reason to call a “Time-out” and deal with the future of the country.
“I am calling on the president to convene a meeting with the leadership from both houses of Congress, includingSenator Obama and myself,” McCain told reporters in New York. “It is time for both parties to come together to solve this problem.” - John McCain
Really. NOW it’s time? Last week when people were crying and losing their proverbial shit, that wasn’t the time. With the government talking about going straight socialist on everyone’s ass, THAT wasn’t the time either? Oh, but when polls now show Obama with a 53 percent lead over McCain’s 39 percent, NOW EVERYTHING MUST STOP. STOP I SAY. SERIOUSLY – GET WITH THE STOPPING ALREADY.
McCain is playing a very strange game in this 2008 Election. His campaign strategists are keeping EVERYONE on their toes. First with the Sarah Palin pick (insulting to women but some how a pick me up for the campaign.).Next, the absolutely outrageous attempt to try and tie Obama with Franklin Raines, and now the cancellation of one of the most anticipated debates in recent history because all of a sudden he has to get back to Washington?
Americans should say HELL NO to this supposed emergency cancellation.
This is a great ploy, to make it seem that McCain is more about COUNTRY than campaigning, and maybe this would have been reasonable LAST WEEK. This isn’t a coincidence; the polls and the stop request. Imagine in a heavy weight boxing fight one of the contenders asked for a break because of some medical issues that he had been dealing with before the fight, that he KNEW about, but now that he’s been punched in the face a few times and is losing on the score cards, NOW he wants a break.
Thats not how this works, McCain.
He KNOWS this isn’t how it works. But it’s a great strategy. Obama either goes along with this, McCain looks like a leader in crossing lines to stop crisis and slows down the Obama momentum or Obama says “Go FUCK yourself!” The McCain campaign says that Obama doesn’t care about the country. He’s more concerned with winning an election than protecting our future.
Nice work McCain. You’re really showing me, and a lot of Americans what we DON’T want in the White House. There’s only but so many tricks that can be pulled out of the bag before people start freaking out. Eventually the tricks will get old (cough, Palin, cough) and you’ll be standing there wondering what happened.
I WANT A FLONKIN’ DEBATE.
UPDATE: Obama’s Response.
I really wish this was a joke. I know the economy is in the toilet and we’re on the edge of a depression but this is only making it worst. Can I just worry about the republicans being republican-y with OUT worrying about the fricken NKOTB side swiping me with old faces and marginal voices?
And Ne-Yo…no words for you dude. You’ll have to answer to the council at some point.
Black people know about sports right? That’s what we here at TWiB headquarters have been told on a regular basis by various ethnicities. So, we thought, why not have our very own sports column! TWiB presents it’s latest feature “Blackball” with Reese Waters. The NYC based, DC comedian, who’s been featured on ABC’s Good Morning America and MTV’s TRL talks about his love of sports and how black people are obviously just better at it. (We don’t think he said that last part, but we like to be controversial(read:truthful) in our descriptions of things.)
Take it away Reese…
As a kid, I used to stay up nights watching sports on a small black-and-white TV. Have you ever tried to watch NBA or NFL action on a black-and-white TV? I couldn’t tell the players from the fans—or the field for that matter. When I complained to my dad that I couldn’t tell who was on what team, he told me it was black people vs. white people. Thinking I had him, I asked, “Then why are there only two white guys?” He quickly replied, “life’s not fair, son.” Of course, I was obsessed with the Celtics/Lakers rivalry of the ’80s, so he was in fact correct; it was black people vs. white people. But sports are often the only segment of society that isn’t black vs. white—at least that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
In my family, it’s a given that black people are faster, stronger, sweeter, and more awesome at all things athletic, which was a lot of pressure to put on this marginally talented third-string point guard at an all-white private school. In fact, my parents stopped attending games altogether after learning that the starting point guard was a lanky goofball with freckles named Morgan. No, he was not black. And that was a problem.
I argued that to say that we’re naturally superior at one thing leaves the door open for us to be naturally inferior at something else. But my opinion didn’t matter, because I was a scrub, no I was the scrub on the all-white team. I felt so guilty, like I was single-handedly ruining the legend of black athletic supremacy.
If we weren’t playing, then it was our duty to cheer on our brothers. My family always rooted for black people in sports. You can’t do that anymore because there are so many blacks in sports, so now they root for the black guy—with the black wife. It wasn’t enough to assume that we were better; we also had to ensure the realization of our supremacy during the games. And if there was a black coach or a black quarterback, our world stopped spinning. When Doug Williams won the Super Bowl for my beloved Washington Redskins, there was no doubt my mother would have left my dad if given the chance and a proper introduction.
The weirdest thing about this wasn’t their racial preference, but that it dominated all other factors when determining their allegiance. That’s right, they would root for a black guy against their own team. This is absurd. My rooting interest breaks down the following way:
My team
Guys on my fantasy team
People I’ve met personally
Extended relatives
People from the greater Washington, D.C. metro area
Najeh Davenport (look it up)
Guys my friends have met and are supposedly cool
Guys with ugly wives (because they need it more)
Fat guys
Hotties (in women’s sports, jerk)
Black people
Okay, putting hotties above black people hurt, but let’s be honest—I root for hot women at just about everything. Now, numbers 3-10 rarely apply, but number 11 always applies, so in actuality I root for black people quite often for just that reason.
Is this racist? I suppose it could be. I would think a white guy was racist if he openly rooted for white guys, which by the way wouldn’t be possible today without the European invasion of the NBA. You would look mighty foolish in your J.J. Redick Orlando Magic jersey.
But it isn’t exactly the same. Black people once couldn’t even play professional sports. Once upon a time, we HAD to root for Jackie Robinson, Willie Mays, and Frank Robinson to succeed—they were opening the door for more of us to follow. Moreover, they symbolized black achievement at a time when we weren’t allowed much. I imagine if there were huge black stars from the very beginning, I might not care as much. So I can’t be too upset at my parents for rooting for the black guys, with the black wives, of course. Tiger Woods was my mother’s favorite athlete, until he got married. You can please some of the people some of the time…
The Brooklyn Comedy Company is proud to present the 6th installment of the series “This Week in Blackness”. With a poll coming from the Associated Press and Yahoo, it seems that in the upcoming presidential race…er…”Race’ will matter. Shocking! I know.
Uncensored Version
Via NY Times:
Obama Carries Uneven Record as Debater to First Contest With McCain
Senator Barack Obama has shown himself at times to be a great orator. His debating skills, however, have been uneven.
Some of his chief strengths — his facility with words, his wry detachment, his reasoning skills, his youthful cool — have not always served him well and may pose significant vulnerabilities in the series of presidential debates that begins Friday, according to political analysts and a review of his earlier debate performances.
Mr. Obama has a tendency to overintellectualize and to lecture, befitting his training as a lawyer and law professor. He exudes disdain for the quips and sound bites that some deride as trivializing political debates but that have become a central part of scoring them. He tends to the earnest and humorless when audiences seem to crave passion and personality. He frequently rises above the mire of political combat when the battle calls for engagement.
Ok, so you all know I’m not a Democrat. I’m a registered Independent, but I do have to say I like the website, Count The Lies, McCainPedia.
Yes, I am so glad someone is counting the dozens of lies John Mccain has been caught saying during this 08 Presidential Campaign season.
When you read this well documented web page you will probably come to the conclusion that most thinking people have come to; “John McCain is one great big old liar.”
In today’s supposedly post-racial society, there are quite a few twists and turns
one must make while navigating the racial highway. Comedian Baron Vaughn
(Comedy Central’s Live at Gotham, Cloverfield) has dealt with many, many racists
in his day and has decided to share his knowledge to help all people.
Dear Baron,
I wanted to return a favor to the superintendent of my apartment. I wanted to buy him some beer. I bought him some Corona. He is Mexican. Will he think, “Poor white guy thinks all us Mexicans drink is Corona?” To top it off, I accidentally bought “Corona Light.” I don’t think he’s a dwarf or a midget, but he’s like 4’6″!! I hope he doesn’t think that I think freakishly short Mexicans only like Corona Light.
BadBeerChoice
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Well, your mistake was trying to make this man feel appreciated. You see, Mexicans in this country have a long history of being completely unappreciated and taken for granted. They’re used to doing a lot for a little. When you tried to go tit for tat, you upset a delicate cosmic racial balance that blinded your judgment when buying beer. And the fact that he’s short means he may have a Napoleonic complex. You got someone who’s not thanked very much AND has a short man chip on his shoulder? A box of Mini Burritos would have been a less offensive gift. Actually, it wouldn’t be, but I’d love to see the look on his face when you gave him that box – as well as the size of your black eye afterwards. When you are white, one of the worst things you can do is get someone of a different ethnicity a present you think reflects their culture. Don’t get Jamaican Red Stripe. Don’t buy raw fish for a Japanese friend. Don’t give cocaine to a Columbian friend. Don’t kill an American baby for a north Korean friend. Next time get the dude something he would actually drink, like water.
___________________________________________________________________
One of my co-workers brought in watermelon. I went in her office to get some, and when I came out I was singing “I love me some watermelon!” The cleaning lady, a nice black woman, spun around looking INCREDIBLY offended. I can’t apologize because then it sounds like I did it on purpose, but, if I don’t say anything, she is going to think I am racist. And not 2008 racist. Like “1962 Alabama racist” because anyone who would be SO RACIST to sing “I love watermelon” should be asked to leave the country. So now it seems my only option when she comes back on Wednesday is to have my Obama bumper sticker prominently displayed next to a photo of you and I.
Melon-in Imparied
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Well the photo of you and I combined with an Obama bumper sticker might work, but if you have a photo of yourself with Obama while you’re wearing a shirt that says “I love black people” while having sex with a black woman that’s wearing a shirt that says “I’m his wife,” that might work better. I know it sounds far fetched. Go to a local antique store to see if they have something like that sitting around. I agree with you that apologizing would be an admission of racism, and that doing nothing would be like saying your entitled to be racist. My suggestion: You have to talk in that voice forever. Everything you say to anyone at work you must sing in that same voice. Of course, she’s eventually just think that’s how you sound. Problem solved. Or you can always talk about watermelon even when there’s none. Then she’ll just think you have an unhealthy addiction.
Announcing The Launch Of The Voter Suppression Wiki – Learn, Report, Act – Jack and Jill Politics
PUSH IT! – Field Negro
Explaining White Privilege – Afro-Netizen
Not a Gaffe? McCain Campaign Willing to Destroy Relationship with Spain, Europe for Political Gain - Huffington Post
In episode 5 of the web series “This Week in Blackness” the topic turns to “White Privilege”. After John Stossels article in the NY Sun with comments from both Tom Wise and Shelby Steele, Comedian Elon James White jumps in to the mix.
From Michigan to Mississippi – The Republican Attack on Black Voters – African American Political Pundit
WorkPlace 101: The Office Romance. - Average Bro
Does John McCain Know Where Spain Is? - Jack and Jill Politics
Calling It What It Is: Naming the Monster of White Privilege - Uppity Negro Network
Sarah Palin Vlog #14: JESUS CHRIST! - Que Sera Sara
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