Obamas Adopt Another Black Dog: No White Dogs Allowed in the White House
Yesterday, the Obamas announced that they had adopted a new puppy. It’s a cute little Portuguese water dog that they’ve named Sunny. Apparently, the Obamas scooped Sunny up so Bo could have someone to play with. It sounds downright nefarious. A new dog? Why? Why now? Why this dog?
This news was met with severe ridicularity from both the left and the right. The left-wingnuts claimed (some jokingly, and some, not so much) that President Obama was simply waving a cute dog in our stupid slack-jawed faces in order to distract from the fact that Obama totally colluded with British authorities to detain the partner of “journalist” Glenn Greenwald at Heathrow for nine harrowing hours. (I heard David Miranda was held in a cell that contained nothing but a toilet and a horse’s head. What have you heard?)
In fact, maaan, Obama’s super seekrit gestapo force probably outright ordered the bloody Brits to detain David Miranda so Obama could have nine free hours to tap your phones and/or hack your Facebook page while Greenwald was busy trying to free his husband from the despotic mafia-like conditions that are the hallmark of a nine-hour detention in an airport, because only Greenwald stands between a surveillance state dystopia and the right for us hapless idiots to take a crap without having the NSA know what color it is.
As for the right-wingnuts — well — here’s what the right wing nuts did:
There’s a brand new adorable member of the First Family, everyone, and if you read the Washington Post or the Huffington Post or Buzzfeed or whatever you’ll probably see all kinds of listicles and memes about how cute it is. [We don't have an opinion about its cuteness because that dog is a Democrat.]
It’s a dog named “Sunny.” Apparently it’s a girl [we won't believe it until we see its birth certificate] and it was born in 2012 in Michigan, where the unemployment rate was 8.8 percent last month [Yep. That just happened.]. It is the Obamas’ second dog, after “Bo.”
With the addition of Sunny, the Obamas now have two black Portuguese water dogs.
The Obamas do not have any white dogs. [Because they're racist against white dogs, obviously.]
Look, when I heard the news about Sunny the new puppy, my first response was “awwww!” because I like dogs and I’m not an asshole. My second response was a joke, as follows:
So thanks, Daily Caller. You’re ruining comedy. You and your conservative compatriots have already killed irony, sarcasm is reported to be on life support, and puns are seriously reconsidering their purpose in life. But now you’re destroying the opportunity for me and others to make cheap jokes on social media. Jokes that aren’t even that enlightening or original in the grand scheme of things. I’m sure other people had the same idea as my tweet. I just happened to actually commit fingers to keyboard.
The bottom line is this: You’re murdering my soul, Daily Caller. For fuck’s sake, you’re still cracking “Obama eats dogs ROFL” jokes, nearly two years after you swore up and down that his dog-eating days in Indonesia made him unelectable. But he won. And yet you persist with the rank stupidity. Stop it! Haven’t you done enough?
I’ll repeat what Jon Stewart said to your bow-tie wearing dick of an Editor-in-Chief (Tucker Carlson) back in 2004: Stop hurting America.
Imani Gandy (ABL)
Latest posts by Imani Gandy (ABL) (see all)
- It’s Time for a Black Feminist to Head the NAACP - September 12, 2013
- The Guardian and Glenn Greenwald Are Lying to Us. Does Anyone Care? - August 23, 2013
- Obamas Adopt Another Black Dog: No White Dogs Allowed in the White House - August 20, 2013