Pat Robertson Is Confused About Video Games
Yesterday afternoon, I ran over a pedestrian. Didn’t even touch the brakes. He was an elderly fellow, I think; although I can’t be entirely certain because I didn’t get a great look at him as he went caroming off the corner of a nearby building.
It didn’t bother me much; which isn’t a surprise because earlier I’d been firing rocket-propelled grenades out of the side of a helicopter. These were mostly aimed at other helicopters, but since my aim with RPGs isn’t very good, I’m sure the collateral damage was pretty terrible, since we were flying around a densely-populated city center.
I routinely send dozens of poorly-equipped space marines at a time to their deaths, think nothing of shooting mentally-disturbed little people in the head, and even have laughed while aiming a napalm tank’s main gun into a French church.
Pat Robertson, please hear my confession.
Continuing his long-running “old man yells at cloud” series, the aging reverend opined Aug. 2 that killing people in video games is “as sinful” as actually killing people.
So, according to the founder of the 700 Club, I am Space Hitler, whose coming was foretold in the Bhagavad Gita. If you don’t hear from me, please send pie (with my name on it) to the Hague, where I’ll probably be awaiting trial for crimes against humanity. And orcs, xenomorphs, and other things that don’t exist.