BLACKBALL: America’s Team | November 17, 2008
I am bitter. Last night, my beloved Redskins blew yet another crucial game to our blood rival, the Dallas Cowboys, opening the door for prison’s favorite NFL team to squeak back into the playoff race. While 28 years has conditioned me to devastating losses in the rivalry, my cat threw up across his chest. I couldn’t even get mad—I just stopped doing that. Our only solace is having won the game in Dallas earlier this year which started the Cowboys slide into mediocrity, where evidently, we decided to join them.
Pregame Smiles
I hate the Dallas Cowboys. As an upstanding citizen of Redskins nation, that should be a given, but I really hate the Dallas Cowboys. Only the New York Yankees have inspired more bandwagon jumping meatheads, over crowding the bars and partys, eating all the wings but none of the vegetables, thinking the “fumble” was when Jessica Simpson fell out of her dress.
Why makes Dallas important? Last I checked, Washington DC was the most powerful city in the world and Dallas was a decent show. We all do DC but only Debbie Does Dallas. At least there are plenty of drugs. Yet, the star Dallas QB gets the cover of US Weekly and Washington’s QB gets an endorsement from Kenny’s Shoes–which doesn’t even include free shoes.
Dallas is “America’s Team,” we only happen to be “America’s Capital.” How does that work? The Cowboys have become the league sanctioned rehabilitation program for drug addled thugs all over America—clearly the best embodiment of the Inscription millions saw on Liberty Island upon entering the US:
Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to Dallas
The star on the side of the helmet used to stand for law. Now, it stands for Probation. That is America’s team.
We not only screwed the Redskins the first time around, you know when it mattered and all, but we compound the issue by making their enemies, the Cowboys, whose freewheeling displaced said Redskins, “America’s Team?” That’s a crime fitting of Jerry Jones’ money.
Postgame Devastation
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Elon James White Says:
You realize sir, you are destroying the gangsta black man myth with these loving pictures of you and your cat.
Obama gives one 60 minutes interview and you’re on the internet taking kitty pics.
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 2:26 am
Diane Vandermast Says:
I think all fans of teams other than Dallas share a loathing for them, but the Giants fans reign supreme when it comes to a deep abiding hatred of the Cowboys. I feel a bit queasy every time I hear them referred to as “America’s team” – I’m an American and they’re definitely not MY team. With regard to the Yankees, nobody can hate them with the passion that Brooklyn Dodger fans still have – I’m 66 and grew up loving the Bums and hating the pinstripes; some habits die hard, others never do. All that being said, it’s nice to see a man actually posting pics of himself with his cat – WTG!!
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 5:13 am
Antonio Touriño Says:
@Elon – …says the guy wearing a Big Bird jump jacket who wishes it had Snuffy on the back! Hehe. Oh the irony!
Go Pack!
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 6:31 am
Jigsaw Says:
You deadskin fans are like hillbillies who win the lottery – you don’t know your place. We are America’s team, which you could have claimed on the field with your 4th Super Bowl win…oh I’m sorry you only have 3 – like the NY Gimps. My bad, you’re probably a product of DC Public schools and didn’t realize that 5 Super Bowl rings is mathematically superior. I better use words with 1 syllable, Dexter Manley maybe looking at you & those cat pix.
Like the NY Yankees – we are sports royalty, the Redskins will always be court jesters. I’m going on N. Capitol to get some Chinese, is your cat coming?
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 6:58 am
Elon James White Says:
@ Antonio- HEY MAN! DON’T BE CALLING OUT MY APPARENT HYPOCRISY GOOD SIR!
Snuffy was gangsta! Reese is mad approachable in these pictures. People see a man with a Sesame Street jacket they know what time it is!
@Jigsaw – Here’s the thing about not being a sports fan. I’m not sure if your comments are attacks or “haha, the sports guys are digging at each other! Ah, you scamps.”
Either way, you made a cat crack so I’m amused.
Posted on November 17th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Wildman Says:
The Packers are America’s team because it is owned by the blue collar city of Green Bay itself.
Posted on November 18th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Cutty Says:
We’ve seen it many times before, and I needn’t say more… A Pussy in Redskins Clothing.
Posted on November 18th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
DeWayne Says:
what’s up with the cat? i hope to see you on campus
Posted on November 18th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Jus Baba Says:
Yeah, how can The REDSKINS be “America’s Team” with a franchise name like that. EVERYONE knows that this country’s way past celebrating the subjugation of an entire ethnic group:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKUovpF9LWU
P.S. The cat blasts are well deserved.
Posted on November 18th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Reese Waters Says:
You stay Classy Cowboys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ea_GWs2W794
By the way, found that cat outside my building in his Skins gear looking for a place to watch the game. Unlike you guys, we take care of our own.
Posted on November 18th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Keystroke Says:
Just curious, but is it now “This Month in Blackness”?
Posted on December 1st, 2008 at 10:39 pm
KozmicGreys Says:
But seriously, is everything okay?
It’s been a while since I’ve seen an update… Is my internet broken? Are you on strike until readers send you baked goods? I like just got hooked on TWiB and now I need a fix.
I’ll give you a topic to get you back into the swing of things:
…Orenthal James Simpson. Naw, better yet, that catchy McDonalds jingle that Keith Sweat wrote. You know, “McNuggets Lovin”?
Discuss.
(I’m begging you)
Posted on December 13th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
rich Says:
As if it could not get any worse, we have just lost (badly)to the 1-11 Bengals…I blame management first, then I pile on the nicest guy around, jim zorn.
Jim, use PORTIS…and find another quarterback. Another nice guy who cannot get it done…
How can we not score against teams like the Bengals…bleak.
Posted on December 15th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Reese Waters Says:
Ugh–it looks bad. Just remember, if they started 0-4, like we halfway expected them to and battled their way to 7-7, we’d be thrilled right now! I got my mind playin tricks on me….
Posted on December 16th, 2008 at 1:16 am
Jigsaw Says:
I’m with KozmicGreys – What the ‘eff is going on!?!?!?!
Just when I find something noteworthy of substance to waste my day at work with – you stop! What kind of bait & switch crack dealers are you guys. Now that I’m hooked I gotta pay.
Aight – but that sugar honey ice tea better be sweeter than those choking – bytch azz deadskins!!!
Posted on December 17th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
BLACKBALL: New York State of Mind | BlackNewsTribune.com Says:
[...] BLACKBALL: America’s Team [...]
Posted on January 21st, 2009 at 12:59 pm